Dear Hopeless Marriage – Letter #8
June 29, 2016
Dear Hopeless Marriage,
Hi, darling. I am just writing you today to let you know I see your pain. I see your heartache. I see your dreams floating away as you struggle to stay afloat in this storm you call marriage. I see you questioning — endless questioning. And perhaps today is the day you decide to jump ship, because you can’t seem to find the lifeboat you were promised when you stood on that altar.
But, might you take my hand today (and even a few of these words) as a symbolic life jacket, and let me help you patch up these holes that are deflating your very soul?
You see, I have been reading this book by Francis & Lisa Chan titled, “You and Me Forever: Marriage in light of eternity.” Great book. You should definitely check it out! Anyways, what if we have this whole marriage thing wrong? What if that fairy tale story they sold us as children was a lie? What if a happy marriage really isn’t what it’s all about? What if there is more to marriage than just how it makes us feel? What if marriage isn’t really about you (and me) at all?
I know it all sounds so…just so contradictory, right?
So I don’t offer you this letter as a means to bypass your happiness, your needs, or even your wants; but instead, to offer you freedom to be fulfilled beyond what your marriage (and spouse) could ever provide. You see, there is freedom in accepting the limitations your spouse possess. And there is even more freedom in embracing the truth that God is the one who fulfills all your needs. All your needs. So rather than turning to your spouse for joy, peace, love, happiness, gratitude, selflessness, gentleness, security — turn to God.
Seriously, Love. Allow Him to meet your needs. Allow Him to love you like you need to be loved. Allow Him to be the source of your fulfillment. Allow Him to be your strength. Allow Him to fill you with so much happiness and joy that nothing can shake it from you! And then (and only then) as you allow God to fulfill you, I guarantee you will be the one who carries these very things over into your own marriage.
So maybe marriage really isn’t about all the things your spouse needs to do to make you happy… Maybe it’s more about relying on God to fill you up so much that you can’t help but glorify His name and simply allowing His promises to overflow into your marriage.
I know it’s hard. I know you don’t want to. And I know you doubt yourself. But I am encourage you today, friend, to turn to God — not your spouse. They were not placed in your life to fill you up and meet your needs. So deep inhale. And exhale.
And lastly, as I hope to speak some life into your dry bones today: know you are not alone. There are so many of us here just trying to get this thing we call “marriage” right. I assure you we all look just as crazy, and just as messy as you! And I’m telling you — lift your eyes to the one who created it all. He is the one who will breathe life back into you. He is the one who will sustain you. And He is the one who can calm the storm.
All My Love,